Amanda Luttman害羞草研究所檚 message is kindness.

Luttman knows too well what it害羞草研究所檚 like to live on the streets of Salmon Arm, to be part of a small network of people who support each other as best they can.

Luttman was born and raised in Salmon Arm. Her addiction to drugs started with smoking pot. In her early 20s, she starting dabbling in MDMA or ecstasy. Although she sometimes drank alcohol, she didn害羞草研究所檛 drink much, and now, never.

害羞草研究所淚 still won害羞草研究所檛 have a drink because I can害羞草研究所檛 risk it,害羞草研究所� she said.

She progressed to cocaine and other drugs. The first time she used methamphetamine was when she was 28 or 29.

害羞草研究所淲hen I used fentanyl, I was hooked instantly. It was mental (addiction) at first. I didn害羞草研究所檛 need it right away. But I liked it too much, it just turned everything off, it just blanked my mind. I didn害羞草研究所檛 care about anything. All the guilt and shame in my life was gone.害羞草研究所�

In reality, all it did was put a Band-Aid on her pain, she realized.

害羞草研究所淚 was playing Russian roulette with my life.害羞草研究所�

She said a lot of people have used much longer, but she wanted to be a mother to her son again. He害羞草研究所檚 now nine.

Luttman went through treatment in the Lower Mainland, is now living in housing with women who had similar experiences and is doing well.

害羞草研究所淚害羞草研究所檓 working again. I didn害羞草研究所檛 ever think I害羞草研究所檇 be on the streets. I used to have a home with my son. It just progressed害羞草研究所�害羞草研究所�

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She believes options for help are available, if people could be aware of their mental health.

害羞草研究所淭hat害羞草研究所檚 a really huge thing. A lot of people use because it害羞草研究所檚 self medicating, right?

害羞草研究所淚 have ADD and ADHD. I found that using meth, I was able to focus and do all the things I didn害羞草研究所檛 have the energy to do害羞草研究所� I felt I was like Wonder Woman when I was on it害羞草研究所� I could go to work and have all this energy, get my job done; I thought it helped with burnout.害羞草研究所�

As Luttman害羞草研究所檚 addictions began to pick up, she left her son with her mom.

害羞草研究所淚 felt guilty and I didn害羞草研究所檛 want to traumatize him, find his mom dead or something like that.害羞草研究所�

This was before the Salvation Army害羞草研究所檚 move to McGuire Lake during Covid, and she害羞草研究所檇 often stay in the Lighthouse Shelter in the winter. People would line up in the cold and when the doors would open, they害羞草研究所檇 be given a meal and could have a shower or do laundry. By 8 in the morning, they were back out in the cold.

害羞草研究所淲inters were brutal,害羞草研究所� she said.

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Sometimes she would have blankets hidden in the fairgrounds and might huddle up there. Once she almost died from having propane in her tent with no ventilation.

Most of the restaurants got tired of unhoused people coming in, although one was pretty good, she said.

Luttman said she was kicked out of the shelter a few times for using drugs, or her roommate using, or for being late.

害羞草研究所淭hey have a system 害羞草研究所� you get kicked out for a day, a week, a month, and then indefinitely.害羞草研究所�

She said she still has a bit of resentment when a woman who had been drinking put alcohol in the shelter washroom. Then all the women were kicked out indefinitely and the woman didn害羞草研究所檛 害羞草研究所榝ess up.害羞草研究所�

Luttman received kindness from strangers, such as a person who was doing janitorial duties and let her warm up several times in their supply room.

Vinny Larson, who died in 2020 when his makeshift home caught fire, was a good friend and would allow her to stay at his camp near Buckerfield害羞草研究所檚.

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Luttman squatted near the Canoe Beach dog park in the summer for a while but was on methadone, wasn害羞草研究所檛 eating, was breathing wildfire smoke and started getting very sick.

A business owner offered to pay her bus fare from Canoe so she could work for him. That tided her over for a while.

She ended up having to leave all her belongings in Canoe, and at other times, in other places.

Some support was available on the streets in Salmon Arm, she said. Outreach workers would check on them, they knew where all the camps were, and would give them snacks and toques in winter.

She said she feels badly about what she put her mother through, who would sometimes try to find her.

Luttman attempted to get clean more than once but relapsed and ended up back on the street. She said getting off drugs was impossible when she was living rough because life was too hard.

She urges kindness for fellow human beings who are struggling.

害羞草研究所淪ure you chose to pick up that first drug or first drink. But with addiction, it害羞草研究所檚 no longer a choice. You do it against your own will. It害羞草研究所檚 basically what addiction is.

害羞草研究所淚 feel if people understood that, they would be more compassionate. I wish that there was more shelter out there for people and more options for people to get out of the situation and not have to leave town.害羞草研究所�

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She doesn害羞草研究所檛 think anyone realizes just how bad the housing situation is in Salmon Arm.

害羞草研究所淏igger cities have more support for the homeless and more awareness. You don害羞草研究所檛 even have to be using drugs or alcohol. The landlord could be selling your place. Anybody could be out there. It害羞草研究所檚 hard. People look at you differently. They all know. It didn害羞草研究所檛 matter how nice I was dressed or did my hair, it felt like everyone knew.害羞草研究所�

She was lucky as she had her mom for support, she said. There are people who have no family except the people on the street.

害羞草研究所淚t害羞草研究所檚 super hard to leave them. I feel alone out here. I害羞草研究所檓 not, I have girls in recovery.

害羞草研究所淚t害羞草研究所檚 hard to think about them, who害羞草研究所檚 going to survive, who害羞草研究所檚 going to die, who害羞草研究所檚 going to make it out. I know people害羞草研究所檚 personal stories and not one of them deserve this. I just believe that being kind will make a difference in someone害羞草研究所檚 life.害羞草研究所�

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