Do you remember when you were in high school and you害羞草研究所檇 tell your girlfriends everything?
Nothing was off limits. She害羞草研究所檇 tell you about her boyfriend, then you害羞草研究所檇 share back and the two of you would compare notes. There were no secrets, or boundaries, but often there害羞草研究所檇 be judgments passed, rumours started and, of course, loads of giggles.
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I know that guys talk too, but it害羞草研究所檚 the way young women share so openly about their relationships that I want to look at. Often the chatter is emotionally charged and while cathartic, it can also be damaging as there害羞草研究所檚 little thought given to the possible outcomes that such conversations may have.
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There are many women who still run to their girlfriends to discuss their husbands or boyfriends on a regular basis. Often there害羞草研究所檚 no filter and knowing when to temper the topic of private issues is lost over cocktails and the airing of dirty laundry.
The problem with this strategy is that your friend doesn害羞草研究所檛 have the same investment into your relationship and will always take your side. That may seem like a good thing in the short-term, but doesn害羞草研究所檛 bode well when she begins to belittle your partner on her own. So, whether seeking advice, venting or just whining, be aware that there could be consequences.
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Here害羞草研究所檚 an example: A young friend of mine shared this story with me. I害羞草研究所檒l called her Jane. She was very upset as she害羞草研究所檇 had a serious fight with her boyfriend. It was their first big blow out and Jane was confused, feeling betrayed and on the verge of an emotional meltdown.
Though well into her 30害羞草研究所檚, her first instinct was to call her best friend害羞草研究所� just like in high school. They met at a restaurant and Jane spilled every dirty little detail of the fight. The friend at first gave sympathy, then quickly became angry and protective.
Fuelled by alcohol, she started bad-mouthing the boyfriend and making plans for Jane to end the relationship. It got to the point where Jane felt she needed to defend her boyfriend, the relationship and her decision to stay. What had started out as Jane seeking the support of a friend, turned into an uncomfortable discussion with opposing views, stakes and understanding.
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After the emotions settled, Jane regretted disclosing so many intimate details and didn害羞草研究所檛 know what to do. She feared ongoing backlash and judgment from her friend for something she and her partner worked through together. She was over the fight, but was the friend? Even after talking with her, Jane was concerned the friend would act stand-offish around him, treat him differently, or even make snarky remarks or innuendo. In the end, the friend did comment to the now fianc茅 about the incident and that changed the friendship forever. Jane backed off and closed ranks around her partner, who she felt was being attacked unfairly. It was a hard lesson learned.
In this scenario, the friend came out on the losing end of the stick. There was never any doubt that Jane would choose her fianc茅 over the friend and admits that some things should害羞草研究所檝e been held closer to the chest. She害羞草研究所檚 now found a neutral person that she can trust and confide in and seek guidance if necessary. If you害羞草研究所檙e someone害羞草研究所檚 person害羞草研究所� your job is to just listen and support 害羞草研究所� not comment, judge or suggest. Listen and support.
If you feel compelled to rant on about your man害羞草研究所檚 annoying habits, traits or appearance then you best sit down and take a look at yourself. As you evolve in life and relationships, things need to change and mature. It害羞草研究所檚 not high school anymore. Instead of talking so much, you need to listen to the others and perhaps you害羞草研究所檒l see what I害羞草研究所檓 saying. And, let me make it perfectly clear I害羞草研究所檓 not referring to violence 害羞草研究所� physical or verbal. Those secrets kill and need to be told.
Faye Arcand is a freelance writer who lives in the South Okanagan. Reach her at faye.arcand@icloud.com or .
