It害羞草研究所檚 time to quit pretending made a momentous decision a few months ago. I decided to quit playing minister.

A few people may be surprised that I害羞草研究所檓 NOT a minister. Because I often write about religious topics.

I also write about evolution, life, economics, politics, and occasionally even mathematics. Somehow, no one suggests that makes me an economist, biologist, or mathematician.

Perhaps they assume that no one could possibly be interested in theology unless they were being paid to do so.

If I sound like a minister, sometimes, it害羞草研究所檚 because I spent 35 years working in, and for, and with the churches of Canada. Mostly the United Church of Canada. But also with inter-church and ecumenical groups, such as religious publishing associations, summer camps, and theological colleges.

So when a congregation害羞草研究所檚 regular preacher gets sick, or quits, I get called on. Because I can put on a creditable performance, even on short notice, where other people would back off in terror.

I害羞草研究所檝e led worship services all over the country. I害羞草研究所檝e been a theme speaker at church conferences. I害羞草研究所檝e written around 20 books and hundreds of articles, dealing with religious concepts. I probably know the Bible better than many professional clergy.

But I have never been ordained as a minister.

And the truth is, I never wanted to be one.

My father was a minister. And a college principal. And a professor of theology. With four doctorates. He told me once that he was sure he could get me a Rockefeller Scholarship if I wanted to study theology.

I turned him down.

My boss for 13 years, the editor and publisher of The United Church Observer magazine, offered to pay my way through three years of study at a seminary.

I turned him down too.

I害羞草研究所檓 good with words. I害羞草研究所檓 a good speaker. I could probably have crafted sermons that would lead me to prestigious pulpits.

But I would have been a lousy pastor.

I discovered that during one year where I was part of a ministerial team for a local congregation. I think I handled the intellectual side 害羞草研究所� sermons, prayers, study groups 害羞草研究所� fairly well. Even some administration. But I flopped at pastoral care.

So I went back to doing what I was good at 害羞草研究所� writing.

Occasionally, I still get called on to fill in. I害羞草研究所檓 finally learning to say 害羞草研究所淣o害羞草研究所�.

I don害羞草研究所檛 know whether that decision derives from honest self-analysis, or simply from getting too old to enjoy putting together a weekly package of prayers, hymns, and sermons.

So I didn害羞草研究所檛 step into the breach when my own minister took her summer vacation.

And when an old friend asked me to lead a committal service for his parents害羞草研究所� ashes. I was flattered. But again I said 害羞草研究所淣o.害羞草研究所� Because a decision is not a decision if it can be rescinded every time it is tested.

Decisions are easy when there害羞草研究所檚 no pressure. It seems right. Bingo, it害羞草研究所檚 done.

They害羞草研究所檙e tougher when they force me to disappoint a friend.

After some thought, I realized that my original reasons were valid. And if I kept breaking my own commitment, I would never quit pretending to be something I wasn害羞草研究所檛.

So I won害羞草研究所檛 stop writing about religious themes. But I won害羞草研究所檛 play minister anymore.

Jim Taylor lives in Lake Country: rewrite@shaw.ca.