Monogrammed towels. A toothbrush holder for four, rather than three. Shared bedding. For people putting a life back together after divorce, mundane household objects can be painful marital reminders.
Also difficult can be the absence of items that departed with the ex-spouse.
Olivia Howell knows all too well how it felt, going through her own divorce in 2019 after eight years of marriage and two kids. Her husband decamped with his stuff and she donated other items that triggered unwelcome emotions to a thrift shop.
害羞草研究所淲hat was left in the house was almost nothing,害羞草研究所� she said.
Howell then got busy replenishing, and trying to make the experience better for others through It害羞草研究所檚 a gift registry specifically for rebuilding after divorce that害羞草研究所檚 also packed with vetted experts if needed and other resources.
Divorce registries are part of a trend toward breaking the stigma of broken marriages, along with divorce parties and formal divorce announcements akin to wedding and marriage news.
Howell built Fresh Starts from the ground up with her sister, Jenny Dreizen, who found herself in a similar situation after the end of a long-term relationship. Nearly three years after launch, it remains a rare support resource offering divorce-specific registries for those starting over, and for loved ones who may struggle to find the right words and ways to reach out.
害羞草研究所淚 thought, you know, I had a and I had a This is when I actually need things to restock my life. I need the community support. I need new towels. I need new sheets, I need new utensils,害羞草研究所� the 39-year-old Howell said.
Today, Fresh Starts has between 50,000 and 70,000 monthly visitors. The sisters also host a podcast, 害羞草研究所淎 Fresh Story,害羞草研究所� featuring guests discussing how they began again after divorce or navigated other huge life changes.
Erin Eloise Tulberg, a yoga teacher, actor and dancer in Brooklyn, has not yet finalized her divorce as she works out custody arrangements for her 9-year-old son. She started using Fresh Starts last summer at the suggestion of a friend.
害羞草研究所淭here was an immediate need for me to get my own apartment. I was moving into a place with absolutely nothing. I had no furniture. I had no kitchenware. I had my clothes and my books,害羞草研究所� said Tulberg, 37.
The situation, she said, was 害羞草研究所渒ind of scary.害羞草研究所� Originally from Washington state, her closest family and friends are scattered around the country.
害羞草研究所淚t was a great way to have my friends rally behind me,害羞草研究所� Tulberg said of her registry.
Flowers, bottles of wine, and a pile of 害羞草研究所淚害羞草研究所檓 sorrys害羞草研究所� or 害羞草研究所渃ongratulations,害羞草研究所� depending, are often how divorce news plays out. Those looking to support their friends or relatives don害羞草研究所檛 often think about the need for a lamp or new sheets, Howell said.
They may also not understand the emotional impact that simple objects can take on. New household goods at a time of rupture and despair can draw community closer and become totems, a rebirth of sorts, said Leslie Jamison, a Brooklyn novelist and essayist whose latest book, 害羞草研究所淪plinters,害羞草研究所� is a personal exploration of her own divorce.
害羞草研究所淧art of it is a kind of faith and hope and trust that a new version of one害羞草研究所檚 life, household, family not only is possible but can be filled with beauty,害羞草研究所� she said.
Howell, among the first of her friends to get divorced, had loved ones who checked in daily to make sure she was eating and sleeping. They sent Mother害羞草研究所檚 Day gifts after her separation just ahead of the holiday. And they reassured her with standing offers to assist in any way.
But there was a lot they didn害羞草研究所檛 immediately understand.
害羞草研究所淓very time I would go into the bathroom, I would feel horrible because I would see a toothbrush holder for a life that I thought I was going to have. It made me feel so much shame and guilt, and all of those other feelings that come with divorce,害羞草研究所� Howell said.
One day, her sister showed up with a new one just for three.
害羞草研究所淚 still get emotional talking about it because it was really like, OK, this is happening. I害羞草研究所檓 going to be OK,害羞草研究所� Howell said.
For Tulberg, it was matching beds for her and her son. They share a studio apartment.
害羞草研究所淪uddenly, I had things from all of my friends that are real and tangible and not ephemeral,害羞草研究所� she said. 害羞草研究所淚 look at my plates and I know exactly who they害羞草研究所檙e from. My friends say it feels good to be able to give something solid and real to us.害羞草研究所�
Many retail registries can be set up for a multitude of purposes, including divorce.
Fresh Starts uses Amazon. It suggests bundles of items ranging from $99 to $500. Among the bedroom, kitchen, home office and bathroom essentials are a shower curtain, a can opener, a bedside clock, a humidifier. The site also groups bundles by room, including child-size hangers and a night light that projects the stars for a young one害羞草研究所檚 space.
Recipients can go the bundle route when choosing what to list, or they can pluck specific items from them. They can also select anything else on Amazon. Getting to the emotional place that allows someone newly separated to reach out for this kind of tangible help isn害羞草研究所檛 always easy.
害羞草研究所淚t害羞草研究所檚 about meeting people where they are,害羞草研究所� Howell said.
Divorce talk can be awkward. Fresh Starts offers text prompts covering how to introduce a registry to loved ones, along with suggestions for what friends and relatives can say.
Howell doesn害羞草研究所檛 describe divorce registries as 害羞草研究所済ift registries害羞草研究所� but rather 害羞草研究所渟upport registries.害羞草研究所� Some of her users create registries for other reasons, too.
Not everyone is on board with the idea. Howell hears from a lot of haters.
害羞草研究所淭here are some people that are very against it because they feel like divorce shouldn害羞草研究所檛 be celebrated. We害羞草研究所檙e saying that divorce is a brave decision and that you should be honored for that brave decision and supported,害羞草研究所� she said.
Angela Ashurst-McGee, 52, finalized her divorce in March after six kids and 32 years of marriage. She and her husband took turns choosing what they wanted in their 3,000-square-foot house about an hour south of Salt Lake City. She, too, heard about registries from a friend.
害羞草研究所淪o it was like, I want the sofa in the living room, I want the sofa in the sunroom, I want the hedge trimmer. I want the drill, you know, down to the waffle maker,害羞草研究所� she said. 害羞草研究所淛ust on a practical level, I needed to replace various things. And also, I felt like this is a big life event that I think we should kind of rally around and celebrate.害羞草研究所�
One of her sisters set up her registry on Amazon, without using Fresh Starts. Ashurst-McGee chose a few just-for-fun things among her essentials, including twinkle lights for her backyard patio.
害羞草研究所淓verybody who reached out said, I think this is a great idea, or I害羞草研究所檝e suggested this to some other people I know. It害羞草研究所檚 hard to know what to do for somebody who害羞草研究所檚 getting divorced other than saying, you know, bummer. So it was kind of something concrete that people could do,害羞草研究所� she said.
Concrete, she said, and positive.
害羞草研究所淚 think one fear people have is in regards to taking sides,害羞草研究所� she said. 害羞草研究所淎nd this is something you can do without taking sides. It害羞草研究所檚 forward-looking. It害羞草研究所檚 not denigrating the other person. It害羞草研究所檚 not blaming anyone. It害羞草研究所檚 just practical support.害羞草研究所�
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