The holidays, a time where families and friends can get together to talk, to laugh 害羞草研究所� or get into screaming arguments.

There are plenty of reasons togetherness can turn into tension 害羞草研究所� maybe that cousin you mostly love has that one opinion on politics or world events you just can害羞草研究所檛 stand, or that one nosy grandparent won害羞草研究所檛 stop asking about your life choices. Perhaps someone at the table is struggling with a substance abuse issue or a mental health concern. And don害羞草研究所檛 forget that person who is just mean and miserable and spoiling for a fight.

It can be enough to make you want to hit the eggnog extra hard. But experts in psychology and mental health say it doesn害羞草研究所檛 have to be that way, and they offer suggestions for how to help manage gatherings that might be less than jolly:

KNOW YOUR 害羞草研究所淲HY害羞草研究所�

It害羞草研究所檚 important for people to know why they are going into situations they know could be tense or worse, says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D, a licensed clinical psychologist who talks about the damage of narcissistic relationships.

Whether that害羞草研究所檚 because there are other relatives they want to see or some other reason that is worth the potential drama, it害羞草研究所檚 vital 害羞草研究所渢o be clear on the reason,害羞草研究所� she says, 害羞草研究所渂ecause otherwise you feel like you害羞草研究所檙e just sort of a moth to the flame.害羞草研究所�

DON害羞草研究所橳 FALL FOR THE HOLIDAY HYPE

Watch enough holiday movies, and you could be lulled into thinking that a time of year where messages of hope and redemption are everywhere means your relationship with that conflict-prone person you have fought with in most other moments of your life will also somehow magically be all sunshine and roses.

害羞草研究所淭here害羞草研究所檚 that kind of relationship-healing fantasy,害羞草研究所� says Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D., who teaches in the graduate clinical mental health program at the College of William & Mary in Virginia. She says people want to believe 害羞草研究所渕aybe this time it will be different, instead of just radically accepting that it probably won害羞草研究所檛 be any different. But what can be different is the way that you approach the relationship and you approach the situation.害羞草研究所�

SOME SUBJECTS MIGHT BE BETTER OFF AVOIDED

With everything going on in the world today, it probably wouldn害羞草研究所檛 be difficult to have that political issue or current event where you find yourself diametrically opposed to someone you otherwise think well of. Well, you don害羞草研究所檛 have to talk about it, says Jeanne Safer, Ph. D., psychotherapist and author of, 害羞草研究所淚 Love You, But I Hate Your Politics.害羞草研究所�

害羞草研究所淚 think people have a great deal of difficulty realizing that they can care about somebody and have a lot in common and all of those kinds of things and not be able to talk about politics,害羞草研究所� she says. 害羞草研究所淵ou don害羞草研究所檛 have to talk about everything.害羞草研究所�

BUT IF YOU DO, THE GOAL IS COMMUNICATION, NOT CASTIGATION

害羞草研究所淒on害羞草研究所檛 go in trying to convince them that you害羞草研究所檙e right and they害羞草研究所檙e wrong,害羞草研究所� says Tania Israel, Ph. D., professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. 害羞草研究所淲hat害羞草研究所檚 best is to go in trying to understand them and communicate that you care.害羞草研究所�

If someone says something you disagree with, she says, you can say, 害羞草研究所淭ell me how you came to form that opinion, tell me a little bit about the connection that you have to that issue, what makes that so important to you, and ask them questions.害羞草研究所�

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

If you know your holiday family situation is likely to be tough, find ways to give yourself some moments of peace or distraction, Durvasula says, like going for a walk or taking some time to read a book or meditate. And don害羞草研究所檛 overlook that it is the holiday season.

害羞草研究所淔ind a way to commemorate or celebrate with healthy people, whoever those who might be,害羞草研究所� she says. 害羞草研究所淭hey might be a subset of your family. They may be friends, they may be colleagues, whoever they are, do that. So at least you feel that there害羞草研究所檚 something that happened during that holiday season that felt meaningful to you.害羞草研究所�

READ ALSO: